It is getting a bit heavy. Whenever one open the blog, either there is instruction from the CMS, a circular from Railway Board or an Inspection Notice. After the 'Big Boss' installed his picture in the style of 'Somebody Watching you' on the 'CORNER' it was felt that we ordinary mortals also require a little place for ourselves and .... whew than this big exhalation occurred.
Dr. Bhatia is requested to keep this space inhabited with the gags which he is known to generate. We will also try to keep pace by sharing jokes, anecdotes, the tempoo baba thoughts etc.
23 comments:
Son:Father,Can I ask you a question?
Father:Yes.
Son:When a doctor himself needs doctoring so that another doctor doctors the doctor,does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor the doctor the way the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring of the doctor being
doctored doctor as he wants to doctor?
Father:!!!???!!!???!!!
From Dr.Daisy Rani
DR J BHATIA Subject: Desi two liners
Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A. Moti-waiting !!!
Q. What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE ?
A. Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......
Doosri bigadti hai to 'SHUROO' ho jati hai
Q. Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai.
A. Man : Hoga, zarur hoga; 25 saal se woh mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.
Q. What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE ?
A. In both cases you feel 'aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta'
Q. Ek admi ne sadhu se kaha, "meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upaaye
bataiye".
A. Sadhu bola , "Upaaye hota to main sadhu kyoon banta?"
Subject: Two stories -- same actors -- different outcmes -- whiwh one is YOU??
There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog.
One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.
The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.
The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.
Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.
Moral of the story " One must not engage in duties other than his own"
Second story. . .break ke baad
If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would
Have $49.00 left. With Merrill Lynch, you would have had $16.50 left of the
Original $1,000.00. With Lehman Brothers, you would probably have nothing, but
If you were lucky, less than $5.00 left.
However, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago , drank all of
The beer, then turned in the bottles and cans for the recycling REFUND, you
Would have $214.00 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice: drink heavily and
Recycle. It's called the 401-Keg plan.
Also, in other news: A recent study found, the average American walks about 900
Miles a year. Another study found Americans drink, on the average, 22 gallons
Of alcohol a year. That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the
Gallon.
"Medscape Daily News" www.medscape.com/
the site is worth a visit and registeration for CME
Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.
Now take a new look at the same story…
The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute.
He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.
He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.
Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.
The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.
The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…DR J BHATIA
"Bane Raho Pagla, Kaam karega Agla"
Women:
************
1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
************
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.
************
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.
************
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.
************
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".
************
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.
************
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.
Its not from me!
alok
BLOG OF THE DAY
Alexander Grahambell "who invented phone. Do you know he never made a call to his family because his wife and daughter were deaf". Thats the life live for the others
Begin forwarded message:
The Theory of Intelligence
I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this.
'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the heard is hunted, it is
the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first . This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general
speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing
of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only
operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive
intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest
and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more
efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a
few beers.'
Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daman Mein!Har khushi Hai Logon Ke Daman Mein,
Par Ek Hansi Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
Din Raat Daudti Duniya Mein,
Zindagi Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Maa Ki Loree Ka Ehsaas To Hai,
Par Maa Ko Maa Kehne Ka Waqt Nahi.
Saare Rishton Ko To Hum Maar Chuke,
Ab Unhe Dafnane Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Saare Naam Mobile Mein Hain,
Par Dosti Ke Liye Waqt Nahi.
Gairon Ki Kya Baat Karen,
Jab Apno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Aankhon Me Hai Neend Badee,
Par Sone Ka Waqt Nahi.
Dil Hai Ghamon Se Bhara Hua,
Par Rone Ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Paison ki Daud Me Aise Daude,
Ki Thakne ka Bhi Waqt Nahi.
Paraye Ehsason Ki Kya Kadr Karein,
Jab Apane Sapno Ke Liye Hi Waqt Nahi.
Tu Hi Bata E-Zindagi,Iss Zindagi Ka Kya Hoga,
Ki Har Pal Marne Walon Ko,Jeene Ke Liye Bhi Waqt Nahi……..
An Atheist in the Woods.....
An atheist was walking through the woods.
'What majestic trees'!
'What powerful rivers'!
'What beautiful animals'!
He said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out, 'Oh my God!'
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. 'You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.' 'Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer'?
The atheist looked directly into the light, 'It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian'?
'Very Well,' said the voice.
The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, Bo wed his head & spoke:
'Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.'
This explains why I forward jokes.
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.
'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.
'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'
'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'
Soooo ...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.
Maybe this will explain.
When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.
Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.
So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.
You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime
> > An Israeli doctor says 'Medicine in my country is so
> > advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have
> > him looking for > > work in six weeks.'
> >
> >
> >
> > A German doctor says 'That is nothing; we can take a
> > lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
> >
> >
> > A Russian doctor says 'In my country, medicine is so
> > advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in
> > another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks..'
> >
> >
> >
> > The Texas doctor, not to be outdone, says 'You guys
> > are way behind, we recently took a man with no brains out of Texas ,
> >
> > put him in the White House for eight years,
> >
> > and now half the country is looking for work.
Subject: 4 Thoughts by men
Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going, Forty years of having his wife ask the same question; and at the end, the mourners wondering too.
Thought 3
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind, "If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted, "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you, and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
The man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh, yeah?" the man asked "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
This is the Best !!!
Thought 4
Everyone in the wedding ceremony was watching the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle to give away to the groom. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed some thing in his hand. Everyone in the room was wondering what was given to the father by the bride.
The father could feel the suspense in the air and all eyes were on him to divulge the secret and say something. So he announced "Ladies and Gentlemen today is the luckiest day of my life." Then he raised his hands with what his daughter gave him and continued, "My daughter finally, finally returned my credit card to me."
The whole audience including the priest erupted in laughter .......... all except the poor Groom!!
*
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident....
To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
Time waits for no one.
Best Medical Certificate---------
I really liked it...awesome...hope u wud try this for ur NEXT SL.....
Doctor Certified
Certified that Mr. /Miss _________________, working in your organization, is
suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to
work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch
beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the
company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains
made by stretching beyond 8 hours.
It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news
such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot
be granted. ." etc. Which can directly lead to heart strokes.
In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in
accordance with the convenience of my patient.
Sd/-
Dr. Impatient
Cyber Clinic
Best Medical Certificate---------
I really liked it...awesome...hope u wud try this for ur NEXT SL.....
Doctor Certified
Certified that Mr. /Miss _________________, working in your organization, is
suffering from 'time-bound' illness. Due to this, he will NOT be able to
work more than 8 hours a day and 5 days a week. Any attempt to stretch
beyond this timing will lead to severe health problems. The losses to the
company due to medical reimbursements will be far more compared to the gains
made by stretching beyond 8 hours.
It is also warned to keep my patient away from any kind of shocking news
such as " Come over weekend..", " Let's work on holiday..", " Leave cannot
be granted. ." etc. Which can directly lead to heart strokes.
In view of the above, it is strongly recommended to adjust your deadlines in
accordance with the convenience of my patient.
Sd/-
Dr. Impatient
Cyber Clinic
a doctor kills your ills with pills
accompaniments/ side effects- he / she kills you by bills
POET VS DOCTOR
poet:jhuki jhuki palken
Dr-(ptosis)
Poet:Gulabi ankhen
Dr-(conjunctivitis)
Poet:tirchi nazar
Dr- (Nystagmus)
Poet:Khamosh se lab
Dr-(aphasia)
poet:Gulabi gal
Dr-(plethora)
poet:kapkapate hath
Dr-parkinsonism
poet:chand sa chehra
Dr-Chusings syndrome
poet:kala til
Dr-melanoma
poet:har taraf ussi ka chehra
Dr- hallucination
moral-Beauty is full of diseases
dr bksingh
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